I don’t care if it’s not healthy.
I don’t care if it kills me.
Random Fact: According to the Justice Department and the Pentagon 26,000 rapes took place within the American Military in 2013 alone. To place this mind boggling, human rights violating occurrence into perspective. That is on average 70 sexual assaults PER DAY, and 3 sexual assaults PER HOUR. THIS IS THE FUCKING AMERICAN MILITARY WE ARE TALKING ABOUT!
I think a lot about my body shaking and skin shivering.
I never think about stillness.
Maybe that’s a good thing
Heart still. Body immobile. Brain quiet. Breath empty.
Maybe its a good thing I’m never calm.
Calmness, quietness, silence.
Is one step closer to death. Is as close to not living as possible.
Its a blessing that my heart is always heavy, that my mind is always running, that my breath is inconsistent.
I will thank myself thank my body for reminding me its alive. I will praise myself and every rapid heartbeat, twitching limb, terrifying thought, and quick gasp.
Everyday I will worship me for the vitality in my own bones.